‘Jacques Wogge’ goes ‘Welease Wodewick’

Heeft u toevallig de openingsceremonie van de Spelen gezien?

Die mens die indertijd aan mijn knieën zat te prutsen in de Koning Leopold II-laan en die mij daar ontelbare kine-sessies voorschreef, die was daarnet op televisie. Het was me nooit eerder opgevallen maar hij spreekt zijn Engelse ‘R’ op zijn Pontius Pilatus uit. Ik vind dat supeWgWappig.

Wie graag ondertitels bij het filmpje wil:

Crucifixion Supervisor: Next! Crucifixion?
Prisoner I: Yes.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. Next! Crucifixion?
Prisoner II: Yes.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. Next! Crucifixion?
Wiseguy: Uh, no, freedom.
Jailor I: Uhm?
Crucifixion Supervisor: What?
Wiseguy: Uh, freedom for me. They said I hadn’t done anything. so I could go free and live on an island somewhere.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Oh, oh, that’s jolly good: Well, off you go, then.
Wiseguy: No, I’m only pulling your leg. It’s crucifixion really.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Oh, oh, I see, very good, very good. Well, out of the door…
Wiseguy: Yeah, I know the way, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.
Crucifixion Supervisor: …line on the left, yes, thank you. Crucifixion?
Prisoner IV: Yes.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Good.

Trumpets: [Fanfare]
Pontius Pilate: People of Jerusalem! Rome is your fviend!
Jewish Crowd: [Laughter]
Pontius Pilate: To prove our friendship it is customary at this time to release a wrongdoer from our prisons.
Jewish Crowd: [Laughter]
Guard: [Giggle]
Pontius Pilate: Whom would you have me release?
Man: Release Voger!
Jewish Crowd: Yeah! Release Voger! Release Voger! [Laughter]
Pontius Pilate: Very well, I shall release Voger!
Jewish Crowd: Yeah!
Centurion: Sir, uh, we don’t have a Roger, sir.
Pontius Pilate: What?
Centurion: Uh, we don’t have anyone of that name, sir.
Pontius Pilate: Ah. We have no Voger!
Crowd: Aah…
Man: But what about Voderick, then?
Jewish Crowd: Yeah! Release Voderick! Release Voderick!
[Laughter]
Pontius Pilate: Centurion, why do they…titter so?
Centurion: Just some, ehm…Jewish joke, sir.
Pontius Pilate: Are they…wagging me?
Centurion: Oh, no, sir!
Guard: [Giggle]
Pontius Pilate: Very well, I shall release Voderick!
Jewish Crowd: [Laughter]
Centurion: Sir, we don’t have a Roderick either.
Pontius Pilate: No Voger, no Voderick?
Centurion: Sorry, sir.
Pontius Pilate: Who is this Vod…who is this Voderick to whom you refer?
Man: He is a vobber!
Jewish Crowd: [Laughter]
Man II: And a vapist!
Jewish Crowd: [Laughter]
Woman: And a pickpocket!
Jewish Crowd: No, no!
Pontius Pilate: He sounds a notorious criminal.
Centurion: We haven’t got him, sir.
Pontius Pilate: Do we have anyone in our prisons at all?
Centurion: Oh, yes, sir! We’ve got a Samson, sir.
Pontius Pilate: Samson?
Centurion: Samson the Sagutese Strangler, sir, uh, Silas the Syrian Assassin, uh several subversive scribes from Ceasarea, uh, 67…
Biggus Dickus: Let me speak to them, Pontius!
Centurion: Oh, no!
Pontius Pilate: Uh, good idea, Biggus!
Biggus Dickus: Citizens! We have Thamson the Thagutese Thtrangler, Thilas the Athyrian Athassin, several subversive scribes from Theatharea…

Crucifixion Supervisor: Next! Crucifixion?
Prisoner V: Yes.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. Jailor!
Brian: Excuse me, there seems to have been some sort of mistake…
Crucifixion Supervisor: Just a moment, would you? Jailor!
Ehm…how many have come through?
Jailor I: What?
Crucifixion Supervisor: Ehm…how many have come through?
Jailor I: What?
Jailor II: Ehm…You will have to s-speak…s-sp-spea…s-s-s-s-sp-p-p-p-p-speak-speak up a bit sir, ehm…he’s-he’s-he’s-he’s- he’s-he’s-he’s-d-d-d-he’s d-he’s…
Crucifixion Supervisor: Ah.
Jailor II: No, he’s-he’s-he’s
Jailor II:s hand as he smacks himself on the head: [Smack]
Jailor II: he’s d-deaf and dead. Deaf as a p-p-p-post, sir.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Ah. Ehm…eh…How many have come
through?
Jailor I: Hhh…hihihihihihihihihi…
Crucifixion Supervisor: Oh dear.
Jailor I: Haheh…
Jailor II: I make it
ninetyffff…ninetyffff…ninetyffff…ninety-six, sir.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Oh. It’s such a senseless waste of human life, isn’t it?
Jailor I: Nnnnnnno, sir! N-no-not with these bo…bastards, sir! Cu-cu-cruuu-c-c-cru-ughugh-c-c-c crucifixion’s too good for ‘em, sir.
Crucifixion Supervisor: I don’t think you could say it’s too good for them, it’s…it’s very nasty!
Jailor I: Oh, it’s not as nn…nnnn…nnn…no…no…noo…not as nasty as something I just thought of, sir.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Yes.
Brian: Hm?
Crucifixion Supervisor: Ehm…now…ehm…crucifixion, is it?
Brian: Is there someone I could speak to?
Crucifixion Supervisor: Well…
Jailor I: I know where to get it, if you want it.
Crucifixion Supervisor: What?!
Jailor II: Ehm…d-don’t don’t worry about hi-him, sir. Heee’s dee…he’s dee…
Jailor II:s hand as he smacks himself on the head: [Smack]
Jailor II: …he’s de…he’s de…he’s de-de-de…
Jailor II:s hand as he smacks himself on the head: [Smack]
Jailor II: …he’s deaf and mmmmmmad, sir.
Jailor I: Mhrmhrm.
Crucifixion Supervisor: Well, how did he get the job?
Jailor II: B-bloody Pilate pet, sir!
Jailor I: Huhurhm…
Wiseguy: Get a move on, Bignose! There’s people waiting to be crucified out here! Hahahahahahaha!
Brian: Can I get a lawyer or someone?
Crucifixion Supervisor: Ehm…d-do you have a lawyer?
Brian: No, but I’m a Roman.
Wiseguy: How about a retrial? We’ve got plenty of time.
Guard: Shut up, you!
Wiseguy: Miserable bloody Romans! No sense of humour. Ouh!
Crucifixion Supervisor: I’m sorry, bit of a hurry. Can you go straight out, line on the left, one cross each. Now…

Jewish Crowd: [Immense Laughter]
Biggus Dickus: Was it thomething I thaid?
Pontius Pilate: Silence! This man commands a cvack legion!
Jewish Crowd: Quack! [Laughter]
Pontius Pilate: He wags Assyrian Vome!
Jewish Crowd: [Laughter]

Crucifixion Supervisor: Hrmhrm. Crucifixion party! Morning. Now, we will be on show as we go through the town, so let’s not let the sight down! Keep in a good straight line, three lengths between you and the man in front, and a good steady pace. Crosses over your left shoulders, and if you keep your backs hard up against the crossbeam…
Prisoner IV: Oouuh…
Crucifixion Supervisor: …you’ll be there in no time.
Heh… All right, Centurion!
Fat Centurion: Crucifixion party! Wait for it…Crucifixion party! By the left! Forward!
Crucifixion Party: [Moan] [Groan]
Prisoner, hanging up-side-down in a cell: You lucky bastards! You lucky jabby bastards!
Prisoner IV: [Groan] [Moan]
Samson: Let me shoulder your burden, brother!
Prisoner IV: Oh. Thank you.
Samson: Uh…ah…hey! Hey!
Fat Centurion: Hey! What do you think you’re doing?
Samson: Ehm…it’s…it’s not my cross…
Fat Centurion: Shut up and get on with it! Come on!
Wiseguy: Hahahahahahahahahaha! He had you there mate, did he? That would teach you a lesson! Hohohohoho!

Pontius Pilate: All vight! I will give you one more chance! This time I want to hear no Vuben, no Veginalds, no Vudolf the ved-nosed Veindeers…
Biggus Dickus: No Thpenther Trathys!
Pontus Pilate: …or we shall velease no one!
Judith: Release Brian!
Man in Jewish crowd: Oh, yeah, that’s a good one!
Another man in Jewish Crowd: Yeah.
Jewish Crowd: Velease Bvian! Velease Bvian! [Laughter]
Pontius Pilate: Very well! That’s it!
Centurion: Sir, we…we have got a Brian, sir.
Pontius Pilate: What?
Centurion: Ehm…you just sent him for crucifixion, sir!
Pontius Pilate: Eh…ehm…wait! Wait! We do have a Bvian.
Well, go away and free him, straight away!
Centurion: Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

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